Guro Hatsune Miku & The Rolling Girl

I'm trying to find more Hatsune Miku-related guro illustrations.
Miku & guro stuffs is love ♥






--------------

"No problem." The words she muttered were lost.....

I tried

How can I continue believing..?
If all words had been said before
And all things had been done

I'm sorry...
I just... can't.
For now.
Not yet.

Everything look so negative to me
I can't even see the bright lights on a sunny day...


There's just too much of negativity inside of me...

To be happy or sad? I'm sorry...

I changed the layout of the blog,
since Blogger upgraded their layout and template designs,
might as well give this blog a new look.

Chose this design cos...
I feel it just suits my mood.
The raindrops looks like teardrops to me, somehow...

*****

I'm sorry, seems that I'm quite active in here these few days.
Should you be happy or sad?
Happy cos I'm back at home, sharing my feelings with you.
Sad cos I'm not actually feeling happy.
I never abandoned you, you know that right.
I should visit here more often,
just spend time here talking to you.

Uh yeah, people might think I'm crazy for this.
Who am I talking to?
My blog, of course.
Before this, when I was still in high school,
I usually write stuffs on papers and books.
Also talking like these, to myself, as most people call it.
...
Maybe I am talking to myself.
Still, issit wrong to do so?

I don't know,
I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling right now.
I don't think I'm sad, I don't think I'm happy.
Just somewhat emotional.
But I shed tears.
I need to.
I need to shed some tears.
Like how I always did,
all by myself, in my room...



I'm not emo okay. =(
I'm fine.

I need to listen all these songs and draw some stuff.

This reminds me... Maybe I should dig up and read back my old stuffs...

Music

Currently listening to a few songs.
Loving all these melancholic songs...
Kinda makes me emotional,
but really feel peaceful and calm while listening to these musics...
Especially listening at 2am in the morning... Haha.

Really need to buy a headphone for myself,
so I can enjoy these musics anytime, anywhere...
When I'm out to the city by myself,
at least I have these musics accompanying me...





I'm not alone...
The music is with me.

------------------------------

Come on come on

I can't wait for my cafe to open.
I want to fully devote myself to it.
Let me be busy, give me something to do.
I don't wanna stay at home 24/7 anymore.
Do the same old thing every single week.
I'm so tired of it.

But before my cafe opens, I'll do something about it too.
And I'm gonna start it.. right... now...





I wanna go back...
To the times when I was alone...
I prefer myself to be alone...
Let me be alone...

A-holes

Assholes will always be assholes.

Heh.

WARNING: EMO POST AHEAD

If you hate these kind of stuffs, this is a warning to you.
I am now writing an EMO blog post.
GTFO if you know you will only complain about it after finished reading.

DO NOT tell me what I can or cannot do here...

Right now I wanna be emo. Let me be.

Cos this is my home,
the place I let my feelings out.
At least I am not posting all these out in forums or Facebook or Plurk or Twitter etc.

=_=


----

There are just some times where I'll feel very moody, down and emotional.
I knew that I am a very emotional person since primary school.
And you really, really can't tell me that I can't be this way.

I'm not bothering any of you now, okay?
So just let me express my feelings in my personal blog.

I've been very moody since last week.
And I cried for a few nights.
Could be cos of PMS, but I dunno...

I'm still not quite used in living the life I'm having now...

Thinking back how much things that I had lost...

Saddens me; so much.

Been shedding so much tears...

I miss...

I miss the good old days...

I really, really, really...
Never knew I would lost so many things just cos of 1 decision....

I never knew that...
I miss my friends...
I miss...
I'm sad...

A lot people say I'm a tough girl.

I'm not, really...

I'm really... weak and fragile...

I actually am a negative person.
I always think negative more than positive.

---

But it's balanced right... Life...
I always believe that...
If I'm feeling down, something good that's gonna make me happy will happen.
And whenever I'm feeling super happy, I'm always afraid that something bad gonna happen next...

I always thought that way... Always...

---

I'll be fine... Not now...
But I know that I'll be fine...
I'll be...




Because every hello ends with a goodbye...

New Game ++

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Was out whole day on Sunday last week,
together with 2 of my friends...
It was a crazy fun day.
Nothing were really planned actually,
except the early morning part,
where we had planned to go to Gaya Street.
After that, we went to a lot of different places.

No destination...

And so I wanna share something that I came up with that day.
It's about the title of this blog post...

New Game++

A metaphor of 'Life'.

You know after you finished playing some kind of RPG,
there's a New Game++ on the title screen after the cutscenes and credits?

I am currently playing that New Game++

You played the game before.
You know how it goes.
You know what's gonna happen,
cos you've played it before.

You've been through all those situations before.

But still you'll reach a certain point,
that will lead you to other situations and endings.

You know, multiple endings.

Good ending, bad ending.
Best ending, worse ending.

Special ending?

Real World - The best game ever.

No save points.

You can't pause.

You can't restart.

I don't know what kind of ending I will get this time.

Whatever ending I'm gonna get,
I'll be replaying this game over and over again...

Until I'm dead I guess. Maybe. I don't know.






Hurm. Hm. Yeah.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Currently listening to Yuna and Zee Avi's songs ;)

I'm sorry

I'm sorry...

It's not a small matter

There are some stuffs that one should not treat it as a small matter,
especially if you are not one of the people who went through all those stuffs...

Because you were not there,
you don't know everything,
you don't know what really happened...

To us, it is not a small matter at all.
Even if the other party might tell you it's just a small matter,
a 'misunderstanding'.

I know how to differentiate 'misunderstanding' and what's not.
What happened back then was definitely NOT a misunderstanding.
How much sweat and tears I shed back then.
How hurt I was, how painful it was...
The tears I shed because of those people are no lies,
No lies at all.
It's not a small matter that I can forgive so easily.
How serious it was? Very.
Like how you felt when your friends backstabbed you, betrayed you...

I don't know what they said to everyone out there...
But I will no longer trust them.
Bad stuffs about me might continue to spread...
I can't really do anything about it.
Backstab, backstab, backstab...
I've gotten used to it.

In the end it really depends on the people who hears them whether they believe the story told by one-side only or not.

Never trust anyone 100%.
Listen to both sides, but both sides might be exaggerating too.
You will never know the real truth.
So it's only up to you..
To decide on what you should think and do about it.

But really.. It's not a small matter.
It's huge matter to me that it became the biggest lesson of my life.
A lesson that teaches me to view the people and the world differently.

People.. change.
One who were friends before but not anymore...

I still feel like crying, thinking back.

But.. Sorry, things will never be the same again.
I will never forgive and forget what has happened back then...



Never......

Behind those eyes...

Are the true feelings of a person.



---
Now, a continuation from the previous blog post...

This time it's not something negative,
It's a positive one. =]
---



So it's hard to trust someone cos of all the lies...

But even with all the lies...
No matter how perfect the lies are...

They can't fool you one thing..

Feelings.

Yup, nothing more than feelings...

Look into their eyes.

You can feel the warmth in those pair of eyes.

Those feelings are true.

Words alone will not justify their true feelings.

The look in their eyes, accompanied by their true natural smile...

.. Full of truth, feelings, emotion, warmth...

Love.

=]

That is the real truth.

The Truth is...

Ugly.

That's right.

The TRUTH is UGLY.

So do you still want to know the Truth?

Even the most honest person in the world tells lies.

Because no one speaks the Truth for eternity.

---

So how do we keep on living with all the lies?

Live with the lies.

Will that help?

Will that makes us happy?

People lie to make us happy.

Should we be happy about it?

Lie to a Liar.

That's what will happen.

That's what's happening now.

Right now, in this world.

Our lives full of lies.

We lie to each other.

People say it's for our own good.

Is it true?

Is it really good for us?

I guess so.

Maybe.

...

Humans can't live without lies.

It's our nature.

We have to lie.

They have to lie.

You have to lie.

Don't know how to trust people anymore?

Don't trust.

Never trust.

There's no such thing as 'Truth'.

Lie to them, because they are lying to you.

Smartass

I'm not an emo person.
I have a happy life.
I have lots of nice friends who loves me and take good care of me.

I'm happy everyday!! ^_^











.... NOT.

Someone is trying to be a smartass again.
After ignoring him for a few weeks/months...
I had to talk to him due to some unavoidable matter.

... AND HE IS SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF!!

F*CKING ASSH*LE

Seriously...
Why are you still looking for trouble?
Am I still bothering you?
It's been weeks/months since I've talked to you.
Because right now I am so not gonna talk to you or even look at you anymore.
Why are you still doing this to me?
You are not young, don't be so childish.
It's really making you look more and more stupid.

I want to slap you, Mr.SmartAss.

But my friend asked me not to.
Gah! I seriously want to, this is not NATO, FYI.

I AM ONLY WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO DO SO.

Until then, I'm also waiting for the bad karma that will fall upon you.

=)

Friends..

.. like I never had before :)

I sayang you all. :3

Love my CSP family (^w^)

You all treat me so nice...

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserved to be treated so nice...

I seriously appreciate all of you - My Friends.

I will 100% pay you all back :3

Just have to wait since I can't afford anything right now... <:3

Good Evening, Haters...

Good Evening, Haters..
Why so serious?

---

Yes I do know I have attitude problems.
I am not your kindest/nicest/sweetest girl in your neighbourhood.
I am straight forward.

And I have no problem with that.

Because I know even though I have those problems (Aw come one, no one's perfect right? Or are you telling me you have no attitude problems, that you are perfect?),
I am sincere when it comes to friendship.
I have never, and will never, USE my own friend for my own benefit.
I DO NOT treat someone nice to gain their trust or loyalty to me.

All those are you and your B*llSh*ts.

---

I am sad, actually.
Quite sad.
I know you have problems with me, I mean, a lot does. Haha.
But you can't just spread and talk bad about me to everyone,
even to my own friend that I am treating him nice because I have motive?!

What.the.hell.is.that. *facepalm.gif*

I am so pissed off.
Even though I do not trust the person who told me about this 100%.
Right now I just hope my friend still trusts me.
I may not be the best or nicest friend, but...

I don't lie to my friends... I...
I'm not a fake friend....

:-\

I believe in Karma.

White Hairs

So far cubex had found 2 white hairs from me.

More and more white hairs are growing.

._.

2008/2009

I wonder.
What will happen in this year, 2009?
Of course, we can't read our future.
But I'm just curious...

---

Year 2008.
So many things happened.

I know some people lost their trust on me already.
Haha.
I do feel hurt.
They brought up issues of long time ago which is not related to current discussion.
Really, our discussion is not related at all.
Why bring up that matter..?

Sometimes, I feel that I am too young for this.
Not enough experience, not enough knowledge.
That is why people look down on me.
That is why people don't trust me.
I do, feel hurt.

I don't hate them.
Because I understand their situation.
But...
Do they know how I feel?
How I am trying my best, to make the best out of it?
Yes, I am just a kid to you.
An immature kid, with little experience and knowledge.
But do you see that I am learning?
I am learning every single day.
You may think I am wasting my time, playing everyday.
Jobless, sits in front of the computer every single day.
Internet, I do put it in good use.
You, you know a lot of things in your field.
While I, I also have more knowledge in my field.
I don't want people to look down on me.
I don't..

People changes.
Yeah...
A friend, changed.
Money, is important.
But that doesn't mean you have to be like this.
So you prefer to have money than friends?
Lies. Too many lies.
Trust people no more.
I don't hate any of you.
It's just that, a friend,
A friend who used to be one of us,
so close with us,
suddenly became someone we don't know.
Who are you..?

---

You smile and laugh with everyone.
But your eyes.
That look, in your eyes.
Looks fake.
Sorry, but that pair of eyes of yours...
Doesn't have the sincerity.

You became better and better in lying.
But you can't fool me.
You can't fool us.
No more.

2 days left and I feel awful - Stressed out

I feel awful.
I feel stress.
Totally.. stressed out.

Things are not going as I planned. As we planned.
Things are.. getting worse.
I feel like crying. I just feel like it, but I didn't.

Thanks Chucky and Sakura-chan for comforting me.

Chucky, you are right. I shouldn't stress myself too much for things that I can't control.

It's my own fault to be happy too early... haha.

This is hard.. so hard...
But I knew that having responsibilities is not an easy task.
I still am doing this because I like it and doing this makes me happy.

But my heart hurts... 2 days left and I am still unprepared.
I am getting headaches...

Neko is right. The reason I have a lot of things unprepared is not because I am doing lots of things, it's because I didn't seek help.
I didn't ask anyone to help me. I guess I was.. selfish. Is this considered as selfish too?
I don't know what to call myself.
I think I am able to do all these myself.
But instead, I am stressing out and panicking all by myself in the end.
I should've ask help from others.
But..
I don't know who to ask help from, and I am so used in doing things on my own.
I guess I need to change in this...
Why didn't I ask help?
Do I really think I am that great that I am able to do things on my own?
Or am I afraid that no one will help me?
Or I just don't trust anyone else except myself?

Maybe.. maybe I should.. change a bit of myself..
Stop going Solo.. and get a Party/Team instead...
It's not that I can't work toegther...
When someone asked for my help, I help them.
It's just that.. when it comes to myself..
I don't seek help.. I only help others...
I don't dare to ask for help...

I think I need some guidance... :'(

Strong =)

Lots of stuffs have been happening lately.
New problems, old matters,
But nothing can get me down. =)
Never gonna give up, as nothing is impossible.
It will be hard, but I believe I can.
I believe we can.
Don't give up, as it makes us stronger.
I am strong. Well at least I feel so XD
We can never please everyone, so don't mind it at all.
Think positive. Let the negative thoughts be history.
We aren't wrong, so don't let them think that they are right.
I'll do my best. Will you?

I fired myself

Yeah, I 'resigned'...

I'm still not sure what to do after next Monday.

Either I get a new job, or take culinary/pastry course for my future plan.

*sigh*

Now busy with lots of projects, comic, cosplay, performance...

I like to do all these, but to do all these at once...

Now I know hard and tiring it is... @_@